Money and finances…
Honestly, I really freaking hate this topic. I hate asking for money. I hate funding… I just hate it!
To be honest, I struggle believing that God wants to provide for me. I ask myself: “Why should God provide for you when your family had money issues? Why do you get to be the special case in your family?”
I have tried the “hands off approach” to handing money, but in it I feel like I am not stewarding my finances and gifts well… I have tried the more common “death grip” approach. And it seems there is never enough and I feel I am actually the one being gripped to death by it.
At this moment (not just the El Salvador costs), I do not really feel hope in this area of life. Finances seems like a mountain that I am trying to climb but the climb seems never ending and there aren’t many breaks.
The deadline for the mission’s trip to El Salvador was yesterday… So my moment of truth will be tomorrow during morning class. To be brutally honest, I don’t see how the funds are going to come in. I asked our funding person yesterday at noon where I was with finances and she said I have ~$1900 to raise for outreach and ~$600 for class. That is a lot of money!
In my mind, $2000 in a week might as well be a million. I feel like I have hope the funding will (has) come in, but that is pretty dim at the moment. It is hard not to move to hopelessness with this issue (because I feel that disappointment in this subject is inevitable). I hope tomorrow will be brighter and prove my skeptical mind wrong.
I pray, God, that You expand my limits and my view of what You can do. Lord, You teach me to not look to money or CONTROL over it for satisfaction. I want to live a little under my means so that I can generous and give to those in need with my time, resources and finances. Please, help me to steward $ well and not turn on You when I can’t see opportunities pan-out because of a current lack. I want to release my control over these things because they end up controlling me.
natalieb 